Thursday, January 22, 2009


Calling in to work for me is like raising the white flag. Admitting defeat and the inability to simultaneously handle the eight million things I attempt to do (badly) on a daily basis. However, I realized I had become sicker than my patients and retreated. I found myself hoping that I had strep throat so that a quick, antibiotic solution could be found and I could be back to it ASAP.

No such luck. As I secretly suspected, I have a viral URI. The second one in three weeks. This is the only downside to working peds. Otherwise, I adore peds. In the end, I had to call in. I can't learn or treat patients when all I can physically do is cough.

This means that I had to slow way down. This drives me bananas. For all but five hours of the last two days, I have been in my house, alternately blowing my nose and coughing. Tonight, I am finally going more than 10 minutes between coughs. Quite the triumph. I am so ready to go back to work.

On the upside, my looking forward to work remids me that the time in coming to decide what I am going to do with my life. Ugh - another day.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Keeping reappearances

So I have not, historically, had great success with friends. I could not describe anyone I went to high school with as a friend at the time, though I had a few from church. College was less of a struggle, but I still didn't feel like I had the social grace of so many people I knew. Or perhaps I am more choosy in how I differentiate between friends and acquaintances.

I think social networking in some ways undermines the concept of a friend. Because everyone we choose to associate ourselves with is a "friend", the word is broadened considerably. I don't mind that my fb friends have access to the information I post. Otherwise, I wouldn't post it. But, I definitely don't share everything on my facebook wall.

I can use fb to keep up with friends who are across the country and across the street. See pics of their lives, their kids (not sure how I feel about the ultrasound pics though).

This all being said, my favorite part is finding people on facebook who I thought I might never see again. A year and a half ago, I found a friend whose absence had created a huge void in my life - a void that I was in the process of learning to accept and has instead been filled by his presence. Ours has been a long, wonderful rediscovery.

Yesterday, I lucked into a good guess and found a friend from my very small college major. Hadn't talked to him in a little over ten years. Chatted like it was ten years ago. The fact life recap and then on to shared interests.

Many things about the last year and a half, for me, have been supremely lousy. Different post, different day. But reacquainting with old friends is marvelous.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Clean Slate

I am a certain percent there. We are all always a certain percent there - just depends on what you are looking at.

Today, I restart blogging with a clean slate. I am about 60% doctor, which was the original motivation for the title - to trace my progress in becoming a physician. This process is so all-encompassing that we seem to be required to become 110% physician at the expense of friends, family and previous lives.

I refuse.

Because I refuse to become a slave to my medical education and my desire to practice good medicine, I still have my friends from before medical school, I still have my marriage, I have found new friends. I am also not a straight A medical student, a gunner, a competitor.

The first time I tried to blog, I had nothing to say. Or I thought I had nothing to say. Now, I have a lot to say. Even if no one ever reads it. I hope someone does.