best laid plans

i had great designs on regular posting as i began residency and i was off to a good start. but i ended up taking a huge emotional blow in my second week and i had to withdraw into myself simply to get up and go to work. so i quit writing. i also quit reading and watching tv or really interacting. i survived by text message and meaningful looks. i also lost weight, though i think lacking appetite isn't the recommended method.

i am improving. every day is better. i am still hurting. i will hurt a little for a very very long time. but i have not been taken down by anything yet and if you know me, that IS saying something.

on the up and up...ER was a good rotation. a great way to start - a chance to remember my basic skills. thank goodness. now if people would just stop coming to the ER for non-emergent problems. and if the ER staff would learn that abdominal pain is not a catch all and certainly does not include pelvic pain. those are different.

i am glad i didn't choose ER as a career though. and i wonder about the FM trained docs who end up doing ER. what was so unsatisfying about FM - where the idea is to follow the pts forever - that you have to go all the way to ER where you don't follow pts even as far as the door.

now i am on to OB which would be great if i weren't suffering for the sins of those who came before. long story. lets just say i am walking uphill both ways in the snow. but i get to catch babies, so that's fun.

new beginning

today was the first official day of doctoring. i walked into a room, looked right at a patient and introduced myself as dr. m. without laughing. not a bad day overall.

it is a bit surreal to take over someone else's patient population. this led to unexpected and rather surprising paperwork and emails today that required answering. how on earth am i really supposed to know is mr. white should or should not have his benzo refilled. thank god for my marvelous nurse. who, in addition to knowing the computer system inside out, shows incredible guidance in helping stupid interns.

if the rest of this year is like today, even if far busier, i will be a happy happy dr. chica.

oh and i got to staple a head. :)

Kids DO Say the Darndest Things

I would rather poke red, hot needles in my eyes than pay attention to anything but the commercials during the Super Bowl. So here I am.

Tomorrow I start my family medicine month. Apparently, I volunteered to serve my month at a local practice, so I am going to be out on the other side of town. This means I will not be back at UK until April. Three months of being away from my school!! Yippee!

I learned a few things about myself during my peds months. First, kids rule. I haven't spent much time with small children since I ended my neighborhood babysitting monopoly in college. Kids are great! They are generally healthy, so it isn't super depressing (even on inpatient). But mostly they say hilarious stuff. For instance -

9 yo Pt: I heard that there are hospitals where, if you have a third ball, they can take it off.
Dr. Q: Do you mean testicle?
Pt: You know, balls, like down there.
Dr. Q: I have never seen a patient who has that.
Pt: My uncle does.

At this point, rather than bust a gut laughing I look at pt's mom who confesses that it is HER uncle who has the rather prolific reproductive anatomy. The doctor assured the pt that problems like that can be corrected. Then I left the room to laugh. I couldn't help it. The kid knew what he was doing. His mom didn't say anything about it. Hahahahahahahaha.

I have also learned that the biological clock is a real thing. Ugh. I know too many pregnant people and have seen far too many cute babies in the last two months. Save me.

Mostly, I have learned that I will not be practicing medicine that doesn't include children.

Dreaming away

I do nothing the easy way. I probably cause that for myself. But nothing ever goes according to plan for me.

Before high school I wanted to be a singer. I did have the mostly mistaken opinion that I could make a decent living singing sacred music. HA!! But I wanted to. When I discovered musicals I wanted to sing on stage. Wearing too much make-up, singing beautiful, sometimes goofy songs. I have evidence that I even got to do some of this (oh yeah - VHS evidence of me singing in musicals - one of the Backstreet Boys is in the same video - much good it did me!).

When I was about 12 I decided that my life's goal was really to be a doctor. I came to this profound (albeit badly researched) decision based on a PBS show called "So, You Want to Be a Doctor?". or something like that. I loved the relationship that the students had with their cadavers.

Then I went to college and realized that going to class seemed to be optional and attempted to screw up my ability to go to med school. After a rocky semester at home, I returned to school in search of a new major. I ended up in English and then, at the sage advice of a friend, in Linguistics. I loved it! I changed my goal and went to grad school. Three months in I changed back - finished the MA and returned home to go to med school.

I have since then taught college, gone to half of medical school, sung in a couple of local groups, reacquainted myself with linguistics, made new friends in all my activities.

So what is the problem? I still want to sing. and I still want to do linguistics. and I still want to teach. and I still want to be a doctor. and I still want to do a lot of other things. and I can't give anything up. I am afraid to lose one dream in favor of another.